Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes: A No-Bullshit Guide to World Mythology
Cronus loved to devour babies.
Narcissus most likely must have simply discovered to masturbate.
Odin received building savings with bestiality.
Isis had undesirable flavor in jewelry.
Ganesh was once the very definition of an unplanned pregnancy.
And Abraham used to be absolutely cool approximately stabbing his child within the face.
All our lives, we’ve been fed watered-down, computer types of the vintage myths. in fact, mythology is extra screwed up than a schizophrenic shaman doing hits of unidentified…wait, all of it is sensible now. In Zeus offers silly Wishes, Cory O’Brien, author of Myths RETOLD!, units the tales directly. those are impolite, crude, completely sacred texts instructed the way in which they have been intended to learn: loudly, and with plenty of four-letter words.
Skeptical? listed below are a number of extra gem stones to consider:
• Zeus as soon as crammed an unborn fetus within his thigh to save lots of its existence after he exploded its mom by way of being too solid in bed.
• the full Egyptian universe was once stored simply because Sekhmet simply obtained too hammered to maintain murdering everyone.
• The Hindu universe is administered through a married couple who basically cease murdering with a purpose to throw candy dance parties…on the corpses in their enemies.
• The Norse goddess Freyja as soon as consented to a four-dwarf gangbang in alternate for one glossy necklace.
And there’s extra dysfunctional goodness the place that got here from.
This subsequent half more unusual because then Freyja is like “Well, gold is pretty well all i've got. Credit playing cards haven’t been invented but, nor has funding banking.” and the dwarves are like “WELL you've A VAGINA, correct? HOWSABOUT all of us USE THAT FOR LIKE TWENTY-FOUR HOURS APIECE.” and Freyja is like “Hmm . . . Okay!” So all the dwarves does the teenie-weenie with Freyja for a high-quality day/night cycle and they're very civil approximately it and not anyone minds getting sloppy.
simply directly up pillaging this dude’s pantry. And I don’t be aware of what this dude has in his pantry but no matter what it's, it needs to be lovely strong ’cause in the future Anansi brings his eldest daughter with him to the home and he's like “Thank you loads for all this loose meals, creepy silent previous man. To thanks, this is my eldest daughter. You men are married now. have a good time. Also, daughter? Go inside of and make me a sandwich.” And then he eats the sandwich and leaves.
Lunches for days in a while and speak about the mysteries of the Tao. But in the future the outdated guy within the gourd is like “Hey Chang-Fang I like how your identify rhymes and additionally i've got a confession to make: I am really a Taoist immortal imprisoned on the earth for breaking the legislation of heaven they make me promote medicines down right here to make amends for promoting medicines up there. Anyway, i am getting out day after today and I’m completely going again to the immortal state. Wanna come with?” And.
Out and get a number of recent airborne dirt and dust and whatnot.” Man the Algonquin humans have them one LAZY author. So Wisakedjak is like “OTTER YOU’RE SO courageous GO DO IT AND I’LL ensure you consistently HAVE FISH TO devour” so otter dives down and comes again up with out airborne dirt and dust in any respect and he retains attempting till he's too vulnerable to dive anymore and Wisakedjak is like “Wow, dude I am beautiful upset in you. Okay, it’s beaver’s flip. Beaver, when you carry me a few airborne dirt and dust then I.
Now John Henry is the type of guy who takes totally no guff from anyone. It is unreal how little guff this guy takes. Like, if there have been an outstanding massive pile of guff through the facet of the line and John Henry walked by way of that pile could stay thoroughly undisturbed because he could take none of it. So while he sees this guff coming his method he simply sidesteps the lot of it and then he turns round like “Hey, touring salesman I wager i will drill more durable, larger, faster,.