The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody but Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass
From the New York Times bestselling writer and host of HBO’s actual Time, invoice Maher’s most modern selection of political riffs and savagely humorous feedback for protecting sanity in an insane global.
New Rule: the following Republican conference needs to be held in an immense closet. a week there’s a brand new homosexual Republican outed. i've got a sense that “big tent” they’re continuously speaking approximately is of their pants. there are such a lot of Republicans within the closet, their image shouldn’t be an elephant; it's going to be a moth.
New Rule: If one among your information organization’s headlines is set who received kicked off Dancing with the Stars final evening, you’re not a information association. kind of like, if you happen to have been on Dancing with the Stars final evening, you’re now not a celebrity.
Media, megastar, Democrats, Republicans, faith, teenagers, marine lifestyles, electronics, that couple making out within the subsequent booth—when it involves lights up his objectives, invoice Maher is an equal-opportunity destroyer. The New New Rules deals Maher’s new and best-loved observations concerning the global round us, in addition to a few modest assistance for its development. simply because wouldn’t existence be a bit larger if the interior of the workplace microwave didn’t appear like a Jackson Pollock portray, or if fathers stopped signing up their nine-year-olds to win unfastened looking journeys? Scathingly humorous and relentlessly unafraid of delicate subject matters, Maher’s hilarious model of realism is extra welcome and worthy than ever. So relax, learn on, and revel in. you'll no longer believe all his perspectives, yet one thing’s for sure: If you’re listening, you’re guffawing.
simply because fruit is sweet for you. would it not relatively be that rather more bad to get molested by means of one of many carnies? In Hillary Clinton’s overall healthiness plan, the phrases “nutrition” and “exercise” seemed as soon as. The observe “drugs”? Fourteen instances. simply because the pharmaceutical businesses wish it. Their advert weasels like to say, “When nutrition and workout fail . . .” good, nutrition and workout don’t fail, a truth introduced domestic by means of a brand new Duke college learn that confirmed exercise—yes, exercise—to be simply as potent a remedy.
each single lady is calling at her guy like, “Well . . . ?” And you’re now not supporting the married males, both, whose other halves are remembering how they proposed to them in flip-flops, shipment shorts, and a “Who Farted?” T-shirt via asserting, “What the hell, I’m going bald anyway.” POTUS ENVY New Rule: the remainder of the realm can return to being thoroughly jealous of the United States. Our majority-white nation simply freely elected a black president, whatever no different democracy has ever performed. Take that,.
Collapsing and death. So on moment proposal, New Rule: The whiskey can is cool with me. LOSER pleasant New Rule: Apple’s subsequent equipment has to be a working laptop or computer that you simply keep watch over together with your tongue. thank you for casting off the keyboard and the mouse, yet pointing and pushing at issues already turns out too complex and tiring. We’re Americans—and till you loose our fingers from the pc solely, we will by no means reach our final target: net browsing whereas consuming and masturbating. LOWENBRAU HUMOR.
because the subsequent man in making a choice on the starting place of topic, yet first couldn’t we remedy a few less complicated secret, like why smoke-detector batteries regularly die at 4 a.m.? persistence 0 New Rule: You can’t strength the ATM to do whatever it doesn’t are looking to do. Excuse me, girl in entrance of me on the Citibank ATM, yet you’ve been status there punching buttons for ten minutes—what are you attempting to do, write a singular on it? You listen these beeping noises? That’s the ATM asserting, “Stop it,.
Farting? Oh, wait, they’re already doing that—it’s known as The Howard Stern express. WRAP SMEAR New Rule: an individual has to provide an explanation for to me the variation among consuming the recent McDonald’s large Mac Snack Wrap—which is largely a handful of burger chunks, lettuce, cheese, and sauce all glopped jointly on a tortilla—and consuming out of the rubbish. WRECKS attraction New Rule: If males can admit they watch NASCAR for the crashes, ladies can admit they watch model exhibits . . . . . . to work out.