I Am Better Than Your Kids
From the New York Times bestselling writer of The Alphabet of Manliness comes I Am higher Than Your Kids, an inventive critique of kid's paintings squeezed from the teats of Maddox's proficient palms. ultimately a ebook that cuts these arrogant little monsters right down to dimension. should you imagine kids are important snowflakes who're excellent in each approach, re-evaluate. if you happen to cherish every bit of paintings, each booklet document, each letter to Santa your baby offers, then this e-book isn't for you. in the event that your fridge is embellished with mementos out of your child's early life, you then are a sucker.
Maddox, who has been writing hilarious essays for his renowned web site, TheBestPageInTheUniverse.com considering that 1996 (which gets over 1 million particular viewers according to month), is right here to inform you the way your children are inferior, and why it issues. in response to his most well liked function on his site, I Am greater Than Your Kids, and that includes ninety nine percentage specific new content material, Maddox tells it love it is by way of announcing what we are all considering once we see a kid's artwork.
For the 1st time in released shape, Maddox has integrated his personal early life drawings for feedback. don't believe he can draw greater than your children? pass judgement on for your self. From sub-par valentines, do-it-yourself "gifts," to crafts or even photos of kids, no point of sweet sixteen construction is spared! Why present weak spot and mediocrity with gold stars? you're in Maddox's global now, and no baby is secure from the scrutiny and important gaze of the world's most excellent authority on kid's crappy paintings.
Lesbian sisters. They’re lesbians, that is sizzling, yet sisters, that is incest. It’s like consuming a steak made from rubbish. F Maryann, age four There are forty five million blind humans on the earth and one of many prime explanations of avoidable blindness is diet A deficiency because of malnutrition. You idiots have all of the nutrition you could stuff on your fats entitled faces and also you nonetheless have the capacity to cross blind by means of looking at the fucking solar. reason why they hate us. F Mary, age 6 what's this? A cat.
Strife for the large Mario Brothers. F Ricky, age eleven A submarine in a pool of pudding? That’s like a fats kid’s dream. strategy to blow 1000000 cash, fatty. And the place may you discover a scientist within the woodland? They wouldn’t simply be putting round, awaiting random sixth-graders to invite them questions about bears. Scientists have shit to do. F Tim, age eleven sit back, Tim, worksheets that ask you to “pretend” shouldn’t tension you out this a lot. F Cherry, age eleven you're.
A+ F- Matt and Ian, a while 14 and 15 Corn, large chunks of runny tomato, and ham is 50% of what my vomit is constituted of. the opposite 50% is Tabasco sauce and rum. And but my vomit by no means seems this undesirable. F Miranda, age five This gave my mouth the other of a boner. F Maddox, age 32 That’s correct, whinge! IT’S MOTHERFUCKING LATTICE-TOP APPLE PIE FROM SCRATCH. I learn numerous boards and recipes written through ladies complaining approximately how difficult it truly is to make the crust: “Waaah, the.
direction the alien has to have a wierd variety of palms. yet that doesn’t clarify why Neptune is seen from Earth, or why this alien was once left in the back of at the moon. i will purely infer that Earth is “home” and Neptune is “Daddy’s new apartment.” F Diana, age 7 How are you this ghetto at age 7? F Lindsay, age eight Your alien international is this sort of sausage fest, it may double for a strip membership 880 yards from the airport. F Ben, age 7 I’m now not asserting it’s very unlikely for.
For the longer term. no longer “I had a dream,” as within the literal dream you had a couple of nights in the past. F Brett, age 10 I’m with you on banning violets, simply because vegetation are bullshit. I additionally like that in case you had a say within the variety of humans demise each year, you’d decide to make it ten rather than 0. F+ Ryan, age 10 Your transitions are superfluous. need to know why? learn the following sentence. since you may easily have stated your suggestion within the house it took to inform me to learn the subsequent.