Diana In Heaven: The Dead Princess Diaries
A diary from the Queen Of Hearts, charting her growth within the afterlife, according to the wildly renowned @DianaInHeaven Twitter account.
Follow a 12 months in Diana's existence as she plots to seduce Jimi Hendrix, is baffled by way of the innovations of Michael Jackson, reminisces approximately her time on the earth and enjoys spending time together with her robotic Jade Goody.
Contains VERY powerful language.
Oh, simply examine negative, negative Steve Irwin. nonetheless hasn’t come to phrases with personal tragic, freakish dying. Doesn’t set foot out of his pod except he’s received his vulcanised rubber burka on and trudges round parping on a klaxon and thrashing a tennis racket at somebody and something that is going close to him.
It’s ok Steve, you’re in Heaven mate – no jellyfish can damage you presently. Be nonetheless my child.
Best needs in this big day to the fathers of my youngsters. Er, father, I intended father. As in just one. received that?
IPads. I went and had a butchers at it however it was once only a fucking baking tray with a few pink tissue-paper squares painted on it. afterward I clocked Palmer uninteresting the arse off of Mark Twain, exhibiting him the 'e-reading features' of his so-called 'iPad'. All he’d performed used to be glue a duplicate of the alternate & Mart directly to the baking tray after which grew to become the pages himself. What an utter fucking bell-end. twenty ninth JANUARY Getting progressively more fans on Twitter. somebody from Gillette tweeted me to work out.
Of it. type of like a regular theatre other than there’s 4 separate indicates all happening while. we need to put on those distinctive all-seeing, all-hearing, all-understanding helmets a good way to take every thing in because it occurs. this night I observed Bernie Winters, Marvin Gaye, a dwarf circus and a musical referred to as ‘Minge’. not easy to determine which was once top. third FEBRUARY Bored shitless – simply spent six hours gnawing away on a fucking colossal dry-roasted peanut and crying. seventh FEBRUARY Word’s bought.
With kiddie AIDS or whatever if I take into accout rightly. twenty second JUNE Bollocks. Hendrix and Yootha Joyce are out jointly, strolling arm-in-arm. he is dressed like Michael Jordan, she's donning a good 'Queen MILF' most sensible. Wankers. twenty third JUNE There’s a massive race on up right here in a while, so one can settle a chance. crimson Rum is pulling a tractor and Sid Vicious is pulling John sweet. yet who’ll win? twenty fourth JUNE A bet's a raffle, yet a hundred and fifty miles? Fucking hell lads! the large race past was once deserted after John.
Santander. they need to outsource a few of their name centres up the following. Will provide the slack-jawed normals whatever to do. in the meantime, Max Bygraves has simply been despatched again because of him now not truly being useless but. he is been the following for seven years – uncertain how that occurred. twenty sixth AUGUST Charles Darwin is launching one other try and be promoted Up the following from Down There, the place he’s at present burning for all eternity. the massive guy says "he must drop the evolution shite for good". Stalemate.
Contents DIANA IN HEAVEN: THE lifeless PRINCESS DIARIES FOREWORD by way of mom TERESA IN HEAVEN advent by means of DIANA IN HEAVEN DI’S GANG! MY favorite TWITTER fans JANUARY 2010 FEBRUARY 2010 MARCH 2010 APRIL 2010 may well 2010 JUNE 2010 JULY 2010 AUGUST 2010 SEPTEMBER 2010 OCTOBER 2010 NOVEMBER 2010.