Ant Farm: And Other Desperate Situations
In Ant Farm, former Harvard Lampoon president Simon wealthy reveals humor in a few very fabulous locations. Armed with a pointy eye for the absurd and an overpowering experience of doom, wealthy explores the ridiculousness of our daily lives. the area, he concludes, is a hopelessly terrifying place–with never-ending comedian potential.
–If your female friend promises a few “love coupons” after which breaks up with you, are the coupons nonetheless valid?
–What form of functionality strain does an endangered male panda suppose while his captors convey the final last lady panda to his cage?
–If murderers can get into heaven by means of accepting Jesus, simply how awkward is it once they run into their victims?
Join Simon wealthy as he explores the intense and hilarious desperation that is living in traditional lifestyles, from cradle to grave.
"Hilarious." –Jon Stewart
Sheila. SULTAN: Oh. (Pause.) SULTAN: endure me a baby of stable gold. endangered species final yr, the San Francisco Zoo tried to mate their endangered striped panda with 3 ladies from different zoos which will perpetuate the species. yet their enterprise failed, and eventually the striped panda grew to become extinct. —SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE try 1 hello, great to satisfy you! Welcome to San Francisco! God, those blind dates are beautiful awkward! It’s very nice of the zookeepers to.
It’s little doesn’t suggest it isn’t sharp. alright, males, it appears like we've got a few extra time prior to dinner. And so long as you’re all right here, I’d prefer to seek advice from you approximately appreciate. in the course of guns inspection, i realized that a lot of you may have misplaced your toothpicks. this can be unacceptable. The toothpick is a part of the Swiss military knife. definite, i do know, it comes out. yet that’s now not an excuse to lose it. alright, that’s it. Get a few leisure. day after today we salary warfare. —————————————————— how i think lifestyles in.
Lord 4saken me? R U there God? Have U 4gotten me?” i’m attempting 2 B optimistic, yet it’s challenging whilst U recognize that your dying is a 4gone end. It’s just a topic of time B4 my D4med liver ceases 2 functionality 4ever. My innards R swarming w/2morous growths & the discomfort is excruci8ing. i not have any will 2 stay. 2morrow i’ll B sed8ed four the oper8ion. Secretly, i am hoping i don’t come 2. i’ve determined 2 cease praying. Y may still I? i h8 god. He sh@ on me & i h8 him. All i will do now's w8 four loss of life. :(.
Be? Is there no legislation during this land?” “Yes, i'll cease talking.” ant farm —All correct males, hear up. As you recognize, we’ve outfitted seven tunnels and we nonetheless haven’t came across a manner in the course of the glass. i will be able to inform you’re discouraged and that i don’t blame you. Tunnel 7 was once our so much bold undertaking so far and also you all risked your lives to make it occur. yet relaxation guaranteed, we’ll be out of this hellish desert quickly adequate. i've got a plan. —What is it? What’s the plan? —An 8th tunnel. during the.
Sand. —I don’t recognize, sir … we’ve been digging tunnels ever because we came. We consistently turn out hitting glass. We misplaced ten males at the final tunnel: Brian, Jack, Lawrence— —I understand their names. —Why don’t we simply quit? I suggest heavily, what’s the purpose? —The element? the purpose is we haven't any meals or water. the purpose is we’re trapped during this loopy desolate tract, and if we don’t locate an go out quickly we’re going to suffocate. —What form of God might placed us the following, simply to torture us? Sand to the left … sand.